I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
