I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize