And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
