I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
