friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
