Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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