We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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