bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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