like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
