think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
