So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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