I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
