Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i out mim tonsoeep
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