it's not cheating when I paid for it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
