We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
