Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
