Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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