Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize