about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
