Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
