After last night, I could never be a politician.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
