once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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