porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
