when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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