i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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