I just saw a hot homeless man
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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