whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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