STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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