tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
