ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
