Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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