Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
