Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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