He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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