It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
