I just cut my nipple shaving
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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