i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This baby is an asshole
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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