saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
