I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
