Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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