you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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