either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize