we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We got so high we made milksteak
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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