I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
