What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
