His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
