i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Found the puke drawer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
