I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
