I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
