I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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