I'm gonna have a badass scar
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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