Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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