Redeem this text for a blowjob
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
