last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
