Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
