apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
