Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
