I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize