He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
