He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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