So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's always time for handjobs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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