OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I stole a fireplace last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
