i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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