Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
