Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
