Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
