fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
