so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
