Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
