walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
As shirtless as possible
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
