If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
