We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
