she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
