happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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