So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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