I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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