i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
