people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
