Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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